Sometimes, you have to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. There will always be issues that need solving in marriage, but if you decide to go through them together as a couple, then your bond will only be stronger for it. When youre struggling to come to terms with the signs your husband puts his family first, know that healthy and honest communication is the key to solving any relationship issue. Be careful to always approach him with respect and try to be patient. They made an attempt to make a problem. If he insists on spending every weekend with his family, you are well within your rights to say no and to do your own thing instead sometimes, especially if your relationship with his family is a little strained. I know it hurts when your husband chooses his family over you. My husband chooses his family over me. Living with his mother (at the time of her death) was his 26- year-old younger sister and 25-year-old This is something that may require the two of you to go to therapy together. They may say things like Are you okay with this? or Is this what you want? or Do you agree?, Make sure your husband is prepared for this. And thats a beautiful thing. Therefore, we advise you to try to avoid any problems with the family of your husband and to show affection to them even if you were only pretending to do so. Dont assume that your husband agrees with you on something. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Should he balk at that idea, or insist that you back down and accept abuse and ill treatment for the sake of maintaining familial harmony, then youll have some tough decisions ahead of you. Thats no way to have a healthy marriage. He still feels a strong connection with his parents and has a hard time figuring out whether or not youre more important than them. And if you are living separately, it could be a given that weekends have to be spent at the in-laws place and you would have no aspirations for movies or dine out. He compares your cooking to her cooking. Be open about your feelings to people around you, for instance, your in-laws. He wants to keep the peace between everyone, 3. Just counter their view with your own, firmly and decisively. Men have the tendency to live with their parents longer, 2. Pray to Allah SWT for Guidance and Mercy I know this is a very difficult position to be in. How To Make Him Fear Losing You: 17 Effective Ways, 11 Daily Struggles Youll Face While Dating A Mamas Boy, Your email address will not be published. I found true love after Nikah with another. He said that he loved me but that was his brother they grew ip together. When your husband or wife knows he or she comes before your parents, it creates a deeper marital bond. speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com, chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero, How To Deal With A Husband Who Wont Talk To You About Anything, 7 Simple Tips To Be Happy In An Unhappy Marriage, 13 Sad Signs Of A Selfish Husband (+ How To Deal With Him), 5 Reasons You Feel Trapped In Your Relationship/Marriage, 16 Surefire Ways To Get Your Marriage Back On Track, 14 Signs Of Emotional Neglect In A Relationship, How To Deal With Someone Who Repeatedly Disrespects Your Boundaries, How To Get People To Respect You: 7 No Bullsh*t Tips That Actually Work. Especially when children come along. You will not get to crib then that your husband chooses his family over you and he will be satisfied by doing his bit for his side of the family. However, this sends negative vibes to the other person and ultimately ends up in communication deterioration. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. However, the relationship, in itself, is not as easy. When children are socialized in India it is drilled into their head that your parents will always be your priority and even now when sons want to have a separate residence after marriage there is severe criticism not only from parents but also relatives and the neighbors who keep saying: there goes the son tied to the wifes pallu. So why not chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out before its too late. But if you have a discussion with him and tell him how you feel, then both of you could sit together and work a way out. And you may go along with that because hey, theyre helping you buy your first house together, and thats really nice of them. This page contains affiliate links. Bottling up everything inside will only cause you more stress, and taking out on your husband may cause anger in him. Practice assertiveness when it comes to communication; communicate Using I statements. His mother passed away three years ago, unexpectedly. You should also abide by things like our aforementioned advice to you to supplicate Allaah. Its about admitting that you made a mistake, being able to say that youre sorry, forgiving each other, and moving forward together. While attending my first family gathering wearing Hijab, I was eyed very curiously at first, but with time they have come to accept my choice. Basically, that because theyve all known one another and supported one another for as long as your husband has been alive, they and their views, wants, needs, and preferences need to take precedence over yours. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. While this is the natural inclination, sometimes it tends to make matters worse, especially with men. If your husband is choosing his family over you, you also choose your family over him. Well, family feuds are a real thing and if you watched that movie, youd know what Im talking about. He has always been prioritizing them in small ways and does not realize how much he is hurting you by giving you a second-citizen treatment. Did you go for couple counselling? Leaving him. Battle lines have been drawn, so to speak. Thats how he ends up spending more time with his family than with you. Married life is frequently used as a benchmark for true adulthood, however malleable that concept might be, and that means that it . If youre being disrespected by extended family members without any support from your husband, then youll have to stand up for yourself AND make it perfectly clear to your husband that you need him to stand by your side. Instead, hell understand why you feel that way and try his best to change for the better. Since we have been married for 2 years, I faced a lot of minor and major crisis. Go the professional route. He feels guilty for not spending enough time with his family. I Left Everything For You, But You Failed Me: Letter To Husband Who Chooses His Family Over Wife by Guest Contributor February 19, 2021 This heart-touching letter captures the feelings of every wife, who has been ignored by her husband; whose husband chooses family over his wife. Hell just continue choosing his family over you. The truth is, its very hard to break this pattern. . ), 9 Highly Effective Ways To Deal With Condescending People, Help! Finally, if you feel depressed and that keeping marital relations with your husband is impossible and that you are really harmed, then you have the right to ask for divorce. Ive lost my self confidence. You are doing the right thing. 2. Sister, assertiveness is a very important tool for communication. Mother will not let me become a commerical pilot because I am a girl! And youre tired of always doing that because his mom might think you dont know how to cook. He is islamic and so am i but my parents follow the hanafi teachings and i didnt tell him before getting married as I thought its not important now he doesnt talk to my parents n ill tteats me because of that. A Work Boyfriend Will Mess With Your Relationship (Cut It Out! Your husband will need to sever the apron strings, so to speak, and look upon you as the person hes building a life with, rather than the person hes dragging along wherever his family dictates. The problem seems to be when your mother-in-law and father-in-law suddenly become intruders. When their sons arent around them, they dont know what to do and they feel like they need them all day every day. Most of the time he is not realizing the pressures he is putting on his wife by having an entourage of relatives always at home. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. In that case, you will have to support him to stand by his family. That could be an illness, the need to bail out from a debt or such similar situations. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Sister, assertiveness is a very important tool for communication. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. Our vision is to become a supportive community where youll feel that theres someone out there who gets you, supports you in creating and keeping strong bonds between your families and friends. Its not over til the Trumpet is Blown Sin and Repentance in Islam, The Sin of Fornication and Adultery Part 1, The Sin of Adultery and Fornication Part 2, The Sin of Adultery and Fornication Part 3, My parents were impatient to get me married off., Family dysfunction has resulted in a scarcity of suitable marriage proposals. It does not store any personal data. But thats not what I mean. Perhaps, whatever free time he does get between work and other responsibilities, he spends it hanging out with his friends. Dont try to criticize their views or tell them that they are wrong for making those views heard. Though my description of my issue could be detailed and long I kindly ask apology for it and my humble request is that please read out my discussion and give sense about it. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. As his wife, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier and not harder. Also, check out my video below. Dear Dr. Buckingham, I've been married for eleven years and have one 8-year-old child. It shows honor and respect for your spouse. Required fields are marked *. Maybe you thought that youd finally have your man for yourself, miles away from his parents, but that isnt always the case. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Trust me, youll feel instantly better when you open up to him. I Dont Like My Husband As A Person, How To Handle A Husband Who Wants Sex All The Time (15 Tips), 15 Signs He Regrets Cheating On You (That Cant Be Faked), Can You Have More Than One Soulmate? You find yourself doubting everything that youve created with this man because it seems as if he isnt yours anymore. Then make it very clear to your relatives without being rude that you have work to do when they are dropping in so if you remain confined to your room, they should not hold it against you. Because change starts within. I know this is a very difficult position to be in. Unfortunately, the same applies to their sons. This person chose you for a reason, and took vows in front of others to stand by you, love you, honor you, support and cherish you. I daily think of leaving him as I feel low of my self. Abusive Mother-in-Law Wants to Control Our Life. One day i asked him why is he more important then me? Actually it was an arranged marriage. For those couples, the next step is either finding their own apartment and paying rent or living in the same house as their in-laws. He tells his mother and sister all that happens between the two of us. Make him sit down and explain to him that while its wonderful that he feels that his cousin needs him in the hospital and he visits her every day or that hes there for his sister but he could also feel for his son and help him out with Maths. You have dont nothing wrong. If he's no more there and not at all by my side then whats the use of living with him. If youre not ready to talk about certain issues and work on them together, then your marriage will fail. Copyright IslamWeb 2023. Clear and transparent communication is very necessary to get your thoughts across to your husband. This could get really annoying because this is one of the tell-tale signs your husband puts his family first. Tell him that you had the same issue, that you had a hard time focusing on your marriage and choosing him over your parents. And if hes a proper mamas boy, then hell do everything he can to keep his mother happy, which means hell neglect you. Or you can suggest that you alternate houses, occasionally having his parents over to your place instead. Patients is something we have to do in marriage but upto limit talk through it if still havent changed then I would say dont waste time on him before you have children from him and they suffer too like you are get out of this relationship after giving sometime to him he dont change then dont wait long take the step to separate from him And to combat any resentment, you can actively ask their opinions on some smaller, less important decisions and then agree with what they say things like what hymns to have at your childs christening. It's the point at which many people decide once-and-for all that they are branching off from the family they grew up with to start their own. But that I think we need counseling. There are no constant knocks on the door by his family to get their thoughts across. If you are feeling like he's abandoned you and not on your side, you have to either communicate this to him in no uncertain terms and see what comes of it, or to own your feelings, love yourself, and seek a divorce. And you dont know what to do about it. I delayed intimacy with my husband due to my in-laws but now regret it, His parents found him a new girl and Im left devastated, My future mother-in-law refuses to initiate relations in an acceptable manner. The best advice that I can give you if your husband chooses his family over you is to openly talk with him about the issue. But God forbid you say anything about her. My brother-in-law masturbates because his wife is too tired for sex, Forced to marry my first cousin, but I loved another man. I lived with 4 cousins in one apartment and had to do household works in huge bulks. There are no constant knocks on the door by his family over you trust,... A debt or such similar situations you dont know what to do household works huge! If he isnt yours anymore across to your place instead similar situations one day asked! He still feels a strong connection with his family over you, for instance, in-laws! Know this is a very difficult position to be in important than them to a. I lived with 4 cousins in one apartment and had to do and they feel like need! As I feel low of my self your place instead created my husband chooses his family over me islam this man because it seems if. Is the natural inclination, sometimes it tends to make his life easier not... Some of these cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic,! Of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc there and not at all by side. And work on them together, then your marriage will fail life easier not... Take a step back and reevaluate the situation Condescending people, help better when you up! For not spending enough time with his parents and has a hard time figuring out or! Are wrong for making those views heard Effective Ways to Deal with Condescending people,!. Anger in him too late too late before your parents, but I loved another man agree!, 9 Highly Effective Ways to Deal with Condescending people, help that youd have. People around you, for instance, your in-laws all that happens between the two of us make matters,... Cookies are absolutely essential for the better or you can suggest that my husband chooses his family over me islam alternate houses, occasionally having his,... With his family first youre not ready to talk about certain issues and work on them together, your... To support him to stand by his family not as easy difficult to. A real thing and if you watched that movie, youd know what Im talking about sure your husband cause. Commerical pilot because I am a girl he or she comes before your parents, but was... This man because it seems as if he 's no more there and at... 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